Tangled
This is a story about a necklace my Abuelito (Grandpa) Carlos gave to me when I was a child. To understand why I so cherished this necklace, it is key to understand the important role he played in my life.
You see, my Abuelito was one of my biggest fans. He made me feel as if there was no mountain I couldn't climb, no life question I couldn't solve, and no goal I couldn't attain! By calling out my greatness when others questioned my abilities, he taught me to believe in myself.
Designed in the shape of a crescent moon, this necklace was made of pure 0.925 Peruvian silver. It was, however, the engraving of my name that made this necklace so remarkable. “Big deal!”, you might say. It was nonetheless an incredibly big deal for a young girl like me with an uncommon name like mine.
ESPERANCITA v.s. ESPERANSITA
In Spanish, the spelling of my name is 'Esperancita', with a ‘c’. My mom was worried that the ‘c’ might cause trouble when it came to pronouncing my name in English, so she spelled it 'Esperansita' to make it easier to say. My name was now uncommon, two times over! As a result, I never saw my name on a keychain, license plate, pencil, or any other souvenir at a gas station or souvenir shop, in English or Spanish. And I mean ANYWHERE! As of today, I sometimes still find myself searching in vain.
Considering the futility of finding anything with my name on it explains why I so treasured this necklace.
Fast forward to a few years ago, almost 40 years since my Abuelito put it around my neck for the first time, I found this necklace tangled with other less meaningful necklaces in my childhood jewelry box. My heart immediately grew incredibly desperate! In my attempt to untangle the necklace, I quickly realized it would not be easy and that I ran the risk of damaging the delicate chain. Undoing one knot only made another!
Within minutes, the enmeshment became overwhelming, and my desperation intensified. I wanted to simply apply force to break it free, but I knew the risk was too great. Just at the right moment, my husband entered the room and quickly assessed the situation. Using a calm, controlled voice, he offered to take over the rescue mission. After reluctantly handing him the tangled mess, he assured me he would help me free it from the others. He left the room and returned with a needle. Using this needle, he patiently removed each knot one by one, until my most cherished necklace was finally free.
My favorite picture of my Abuelito Carlos, my sister Carlita (left) and me (right).
Taken in Lima Peru, 1978.
Isn’t this also true of our healing?
On our own, we become desperate as we attempt to make sense of our past and untangle the mess of memories and experiences that underlie our current struggles. We try to muscle our way through and impose forceful demands on ourselves to ‘get over it’ or to ‘just deal with it already’.
The truth is that we need others to help us along our healing journey. It doesn't matter how much we try to figure things out on our own, whether out of shame, pride or fear, we simply aren't meant to heal alone.
Our stories are meant to be heard and held with honor;
Our past hurts are meant to be witnessed;
Our grief is meant to be shared
By those who can hope on our behalf as we journey through the darkest valleys of our past.
Throughout my healing journey, I have been blessed to have had many courageous souls by my side. They were able to offer me hope as they had already experienced the sweetness of healing from their own personal journeys. They provided me compassionate objectivity and the constant reminder that there is no rush or demand on this healing journey. They taught me that kindness and self-care are a necessity, and that “Light” always prevails over darkness.
Whether you are at the beginning of your healing journey or well on your way, it is my prayer, that you find yourself in kind and courageous company. If you happen to find yourself alone, I encourage you to seek out trusted support from someone or group of people who can help bring light to your path.
Know you can always reach out to us here at The People Well. We are here to help.
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To those who have guided and carried me on my healing journey; my attempts to express my gratitude will fall short, but know an eternal reward awaits you.
“Praise the bridge that carried you over.” - George Colman, The Younger
